Monthly Archives: July 2007

Slow Reader Reveals Spoilers for Harry Potter Book Six

Elsa Rose McLeary, 13, of Sunderland, MA, has just published a list of spoilers for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince on her My Space page. Under the heading “SPOILER ALERT!! SPOILER ALERT!! HP&HBP,” Ms. McLeary reveals that Snape kills … Continue reading

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Vagina Monologues to be Performed at Amherst Preschool

A local feminist group has announced plans to stage a performance of the Vagina Monologues at a local Amherst preschool. The cast for this performance of Eve Ensler’s ground-breaking play will consist entirely of four- and five-year olds. The performance … Continue reading

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Route 9 in Amherst to be Converted into 12 Lane Bikepath

As part of an ongoing effort to reduce consumption of fossil fuels in the Happy Valley, Amherst’s Town Meeting recently approved a plan that will convert Route 9 into a 12 lane bikepath. The town is calling it the country’s … Continue reading

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Entity Known as “Vice President Dick Cheney” Abandons Corporeal Form

The entity currently known as “Vice President Dick Cheney” has abandoned its corporeal form, Happy Valley News has learned. This startling development was discovered last evening, when Secret Service agents found the inanimate fleshbag of what was formerly the Vice … Continue reading

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Budget Cuts Force UMASS to Eliminate ‘Friends with Benefits’ Program

Students, staff and faculty at the University of Massachusetts have grown accustomed to making do with less over the last several years as school administrators have been forced to cut everything from support services to sports programs and academic organizations. … Continue reading

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