Amish Pickup Lines

The Smoking Gun reports that a 21 year old Amish man was arrested for sending lewd texts to a minor (not funny!). However, it did get me thinking about potential Amish pickup lines.

  • Woulds’t thou deign to show me thy knee? Ankle? Booted foot?
  • If I stated thou had child-bearing hips, woulds’t thou hold them against me?
  • Thou lookst like a tall lukewarm glass of well water.
  • Hast thou mashed potatoes with that shake?
  • Heaven must be missing one stout, industrious, modestly attired angel.
  • Thou makest my heart race like a poorly handled buggy.
  • My heart is a wheat crop. Wons’t thou harvest it with hours of back-breaking labor?
  • Thy bosom overflows like two grains silos in harvest season.
  • Let’s pretend it’s Rumspringa.
  • Is that you, Kelly McGillis?


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2 Responses to Amish Pickup Lines

  1. pt dismal says:

    i saw this bumpersticker on a buggy once:

    ass, grass, or cash–
    beard rides free.


  2. Anonymous says:

    you do know that Amish don’t speak Olde English, right? they never use “thee, thou, hast” etc. These are obviously written by someone who knows nothing about Amish.

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