Princess Jesus Boobies, aka former beauty queen Carrie Prejean, has published her book, “Still Standing,” which is destined for a permanent place beside Sarah Palin’s forthcoming “Going Rogue” on the ghostwritten-booklike-artifacts-by-former-beauty-queens-turned-rightwing-darlings bookshelf.
The book is chock-a-block full of SHOCKING REVELATIONS and SCANDALOUS DETAILS, including the fact that homophobia actually means fear of men, as well as this salacious tidbit about how Donald Trump treats beauty contestants like, well, beauty contestants:
Prejean also reveals that Trump personally inspected each of the contestants, lining them up on stage and asking them which other contestants were “hot.” After he made his way through all the girls, he motioned the ones he liked to one side, leaving the “discards” on the other side: “It became clear that the point of the whole exercise was for him to divide the room between girls he personally found attractive and those he did not.”
Carrie, Carrie, Carrie, I know this may be difficult to comprehend, but the activity in which you were engaged is called a BEAUTY CONTEST, and its only goal is to ruthlessly herd its vacuously smiling participants into various demeaning subsegments, including the flawlessly attractive category, the ridiculously attractive category, the quite-fetchingly-attractive-but-has-small-breasts category, the stunningly-attractive-but-is-a-bit-too-’ethnic’ category, and, finally, the still-more-attractive-than-99.9%-of-the-population-even-though-she’s-the-ugliest-one-on-that-particular-stage category. It has no other function.
Of course, you seem to believe you were ‘censored’ because you were asked a question during a beauty pageant the express purpose of which was to judge your answer and — wait for it — you were judged on your answer. You then proceeded to wrap yourself in a martyr’s cloak stitched from equal parts Old Glory and the robes of Jesus. Carrie, you lost a beauty contest; you’re not Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. You lost because you gave an incoherent, anti-gay response to a question in an industry entirely dominated by gay men. Nothing more. When your book is banned and burned, and you are thrown in prison, then you can claim censorship. Until then, just smile and wave.
(And, Carrie, please note that I got through this entire post without once mentioning your sex tape. You’re welcome.)
Dredging Allegiance
November 6, 2009 · Leave a Comment
By now you may have seen the video of Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) hilariously messing up the Pledge of Allegiance while trying to shove it in the faces of ‘liberals’ at the Grand Teabag Ball yesterday, but here it is again. Could there be a more telling slip than being so focused on ‘under God’ that you skip right over ‘indivisible’? Of course, that just set the stage for John Boehner (there to represent all orange Americans) to mix up the Declaration of Independence with the Constitution.
Two fun facts about the Pledge of Allegiance that Rep. Todd Akin did not mention during his speech:
1. It was written by a socialist, Francis Bellamy
2. The original salute for the Pledge was not the hand over heart that we use today. The original salute looked like this:
This version of the salute was officially dropped in 1942, for obvious reasons.
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