What is the Deal . . .

. . . when I hit the off switch on my printer and it refuses to turn off? Are you defying me? Don’t make me pull the power cord on your ink-stained ass.

Because I will.

My Debut

Here be a chronicle of my experience as an extra on the set of The Whisperer in Darkness, a new film version of the H.P. Lovecraft story, which came out this month on DVD.

Here is the trailer:

Stewart Lee on racism, product sponsorship, and the values of the Car Phone Warehouse

He Drives Like Keyser Söze

A Polish driver by the name of Prawo Jazdy was tearing up Ireland’s roadways, with multiple infractions all over the Emerald Isle. Police were baffled. How could one man rack up so many fines? Except . . .

The identity of Ireland’s most notorious motorist has been uncovered, after Police realised they were recording Prawo Jazdy – the Polish term for driving licence – instead of the offender’s name for more than 50 different Poles.

Disney’s Hall of Inaccurate Presidents

Just to make this an all Disney morning, check out Disney’s Hall of Presidents from an Alternate & More Awesome Universe.

A thoughtful YouTube commenter (an oxymoron, I know) has collected all of their names: 1-George Washington 2-John Arronson 3-Terry Montrose 4-Hudson McElroy 5-Jim Stand 6-Bruce K. Tedesco 7-Jimmy Goose 8-Lucas Krokus 9-Klugman M. Tutts 10-Alan Diamond 11-Tex O’Keefe 12-Nolan Chack 13-Angus W. Crowe 14-Gepetto Corrigan 15-Liam F. Stitches 16-Jackson Graft 17-Houston Van Austin 18-Doug Wopple 19-Jeffrey Ratzenberg 20-Jeffrey Sivakis 21-Jeffrey Dolney 22-Jeffrey Stuckmeyer 23-Geoffrey Sims 24-Gov. Mark Whitford 25-Buddy Knox 26-William Jefferson Clinton 27-Joe Montana 28-Unknown 29-Daniel Flintstock 30-Bernard H. Stuckey 31-Christopher Titus 32-Lipton Quick 33-Jonathan T. President 34-Leo Smoot 35-Steven W. Spooner Jr. 36-Roy Wizard 37-Charlie Angel 38-(throat clearing cough) 39-Liam K. Spuddig 40-Oliver Paltrow 41-Sweeney Patch 42-Gary Question 42-Mark Roof

Mouse, Mouse Will Tear Us Apart

Pitchfork reports that Disney is selling a Mickey Mouse t-shirt based on Joy Division, specifically the iconic cover of Unknown Pleasures. Get yours now; I predict this thing will not be on sale for long.* I suspect some graphic designer was having one over on the suits upstairs.

Update: * Indeed, it is already listed as sold out. And I notice that the Disney site no longer makes any mention of Joy Division. Pitchfork previously quoted the Disney listing for the shirt as follows: “Inspired by the iconic sleeve of Joy Division’s Unknown Pleasures album, this Waves Mickey Mouse Tee incorporates Mickey’s image within the graphic of the pulse of a star. That’s appropriate given few stars have made bigger waves than Mickey!” Now it simply reads: “This Waves Mickey Mouse Tee incorporates Mickey’s image within the graphic of the pulse of a star. That’s appropriate given few stars have made bigger waves than Mickey!

All of which presents yet another opportunity to post one of the loveliest songs ever written.

Purity Bear Advises Caution in Matters of Sexual Congress

Here is a student-made film to promote the Annual Day of Purity, a day when “youth can make a public demonstration of their commitment to remain sexually pure, in mind and actions.” Purity Day will be held on “Valentine’s Day, or the previous weekday” (they couldn’t bother to check the calendar? What if I’m pure on the wrong day?). If Purity Bear is on one shoulder, I don’t think I want to know what kind of bear is on his other shoulder.

Remember, kids, sex is dirty, shameful, and disgusting outside of marriage but beautiful, fulfilling, and holy within it. And this shift happens magically the moment you are married to an opposite sex person.

[Props=Videogum]

I’m Frank (Barney Frank, that is)

From Barney Frank’s interview in the Times on Friday.

You’ve long argued for the decriminalization of marijuana. Do you smoke weed?
No.

Why not?
Why do you ask a question, then act surprised when I give an answer? Do you think I lie to people?

I thought you might explain why you support decriminalizing it but don’t smoke it.
Do you think I’ve ever had an abortion?

[Props=Dan Savage]

Mission Impossible – Verdana Protocol

A font designer takes issue with one aspect of the new Mission Impossible movie.. Here’s an excerpt of the letter he sent to director Brad Bird.

As a moviegoer, no complaints.

But as a type designer — meaning someone who designs fonts — one quibble. A number of scenes had subtitles or captions. All these were set in the font Verdana. There are two problems with Verdana.

First it’s not functionally suitable. Verdana is a Microsoft font, designed in 1996 to optimize the legibility of small-font text on low resolution computer screens. It wasn’t intended for large-size text on high-resolution movie screens.

Second, it’s not stylistically suitable. Verdana is a built-in font on nearly every Windows and Mac computer. It’s used on zillions of web pages. It’s ubiquitous. Therefore, the person who uses Verdana suggest to readers “I couldn’t be bothered to pick anything better.” It’s also well-known as the corporate font for IKEA — probably not the association you’re going for.

My only problem with the letter is that he doesn’t suggest a more appropriate font. Comic Sans, perhaps?

The Sex Act Morality Flowchart

In case you were wondering, what with the weekend here and all . . .

[Props=Dan Savage]