The Nonpology

Seinfeld introduced the notion of the unvitation, which is an invitation sent to someone you don’t really expect (or even want) to attend the event.

Elaine: The wedding is in one week. I got this (Holds up invitation) today.
Jerry: So you think it’s a “non-vite”?
Elaine: It’s an “un-vitation”!

— The Betrayal, Season 9, Episode 8

The recent behavior of several prominent Republicans reminds me of another bit of urban nomenclature: the nonpology, or the apology that does not apologize, especially one that blames the aggrieved party for being offended.

Last month we highlighted John Tanner, the Bush-appointed head of the DOJ’s voting section, who got in trouble for joking that he liked his coffee “black and bitter,” just like Mary Francis Bacon, who was then the Chairperson of the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights. When the comments came to light, Tanner issued a classic nonpology, trying to explain and contextualize his comments instead of just apologizing, saying, “The term ‘bitter,’ of course, meant no sugar in the coffee, and was not meant as a reflection on you or your attitude towards a challenging situation.” Of course.

The latest example of the nonpology comes from Jim Bunning, Republican senator from Kentucky, who got himself in trouble for speculating to supporters that US Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg would be dead within nine months:

During a wide-ranging 30-minute speech on Saturday at the Hardin County Republican Party’s Lincoln Day Dinner, Bunning said he supports conservative judges “and that’s going to be in place very shortly because Ruth Bader Ginsburg … has cancer.”

“Bad cancer. The kind that you don’t get better from,” he told a crowd of about 100 at the old State Theater.

“Even though she was operated on, usually, nine months is the longest that anybody would live after (being diagnosed) with pancreatic cancer,” he said.

Today, Bunning issued a written nonpology.

“I apologize if my comments offended Justice Ginsberg (sic),” Bunning said. “That certainly was not my intent. It is great to see her back at the Supreme Court today and I hope she recovers quickly. My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family.”

Bunning’s nonpology gets style points for spelling Justice Ginsburg’s name incorrectly and for wrapping Bunning in the Lord’s mantle after wishing someone else dead for her political views. From these examples, we can glean some of the hallmarks of the standard-issue nonpology, as detailed below.

It’s Probably an Nonpology if:

• It does not include the words, “I am sorry.”
• It is longer than eight words.
• It includes the phrase, “Mistakes were made.”
• It includes any of the following conjunctions: if, but, though, or while
• It is issued by an athlete caught cheating, an actor or musician entering rehab, or a politician under any circumstances.

Here are few other classic Republican nonpologies.

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