Here are some highlights from Qualcomm’s insane roadshow presentation at the 2013 Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Who is running the fucking asylum over there? This debacle goes from lame to shameless to absurd to Silkwood-shower in the amount of time it takes to pwn some n00bs. And while I feel honestly sad for the three actors who had to come out and talk the way the kids talk for the opening bit (Tornado 092 was my favorite), I reserve my most profound heartbreak for Maroon 5. Dudes, why are you selling yourselves to the highest bidder? Who do you think you are? Desmond Tutu?