Honey Boo Boo’s Secret Family Recipe for ‘Sketti’ Boasts a Whopping 11,000 Calories

Only recently did I become aware of the latest harbinger of the apocalypse, TLC’s reality television program Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. This trainwreck of a program (which, incidentally, handily beat out the RNC for total viewers) centers on seven-year-old Alana Thompson (aka Honey Boo Boo) and her stunted family, all of whom are more than eager to the play the white trash equivalent of Stepin Fetchit for a few trailerfulls of those sweet reality TV dollars. Sort of a more sophisticated version of the Palins. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo apparently is a spin off of Toddlers & Tiaras, itself a leading harbinger of the ‘poc in its own right.

On the last show, Honey Boo Boo’s mother, June, shared a secret family recipe for “Sketti,” which consisted of a tub of Country Crock margarine mixed with ketchup and microwaved, then added to ground beef and served over noodles. You can see this culinary delight being prepared in this clip if you’re blessed with intestinal fortitude (can’t embed, thanks WordPress). I wondered what the nutritional content of this dish might be, so I decided to break it down. The results are not pretty.

Honey Boo Boo’s ‘Sketti’ — Nutritional Information:
Total calories: 11,040
Total fat: 798 grams
Total sodium: 21,320 mg
Dietary fiber: 16 grams

To put these numbers in perspective (based on a standard 2,000 calorie/day diet), this single dish could feed 5.5 adults for an entire day or a single person for five and a half days if he or she ate nothing else (which seems unlikely given that Honey Boo Boo’s favorite beverage is Go Go Juice, a homemade mixture of Red Bull and Mountain Dew). This single dish packs in twelve day’s worth of fat and nine day’s worth of sodium. But it’s not only terrible for what it has but for what it doesn’t have: it may have twelve day’s worth of fat but it doesn’t even have one day’s worth of dietary fiber. In other words, you don’t want to use Honey Boo Boo’s bathroom an hour after her family has scarfed up this meal.

Here’s the breakdown by ingredient (I had to guess on quantities from the video, but these seem fair):

Country Crock Original, 45 ounce tub
This is the killer right here. I was astounded by the nutritional information on this stuff. A single tablespoon of this death elixir has 70 calories, 7.0 grams of fat, and 100 mg of sodium. That’s 11% of your daily allowance of fat and 4% of your daily allowance of sodium in a single tablespoon! So based on 90 servings per container, here are the totals for an entire 45 ounce tub of this shit:
Calories: 6,300
Fat: 630 grams
Sodium: 9,000 mg
Dietary fiber: 0

Heinz Ketchup, 35 ounce bottle
Calories: 1,440
Fat: 0
Sodium: 11,520 mg
Dietary fiber: 0

Ground beef, 2 lbs (80% lean)
Calories: 1,620
Fat: 160 grams
Sodium: 800 mg
Dietary fiber: 0

Ronzoni spaghetti, 1 lb
Calories: 1,680
Fat: 8 grams
Sodium: 0
Dietary fiber: 16 grams

I won’t get into body snarking here, but this family is a cautionary tale for the corn syrup diet. Eating like this is an express elevator to obesity, diabeetus, heart disease, colon cancer, flatulence, and explosive, pants-destroying diarrhea. But, hey, with all that money they’re making at least they’ll be able to afford the dialysis. And more stretchy pants.

This entry was posted in Humor, Scathing Social Commentary and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Honey Boo Boo’s Secret Family Recipe for ‘Sketti’ Boasts a Whopping 11,000 Calories

  1. katburns says:

    This is probably why they are all obese… including the kids all under 20 years old. It’s really sad.

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