Drive-in Checklist

On Monday night, we made our annual pilgrimage to the Wellfleet Drive-in to catch the last showing of Brave and The Avengers, and our endurance fest reminded me again why I love and loath drive-ins in equal measure.

Here then is our drive-in experience, by the numbers:

— entry cost: $36
— babies crying: 2
— baby crying so obstreperously that its ardent caterwauling echoed off every available surface in a thousand yard radius to create an inescapable vortex of human misery: 1
— child whining and/or melting down: infinity symbol
— adult whining and/or melting down: discomfortingly high
— car alarms: 2
— door dinging sound (i.e., the sound cars make when you leave the keys in the ignition and open the door): eight to ten minutes of total duration, emanating from many different directions at various points during the evening
— headlights on screen: essentially constant
— fear of being crushed by late model American sedan while seated in a beach chair: acute, then lingering
— bug spray application: half a bottle (not enough)
— buckets of popcorn: one
— size of said bucket of popcorn: alarming
— amount of “butter” on said bucket of popcorn: coronary
— duration of fireworks set off somewhere nearby just as movie was starting: 20 minutes
— % of Brave your humble kamper was able to discern through the glare of headlights: maybe 1/3
— rank of Brave in the Pixar hierarchy: it wasn’t The Incredibles or Up or Toy Story 3 but then again it wasn’t Cars or Cars II.
— number of times your humble kamper now has seen The Avengers: 3
— number of times your humble kamper would have chosen to see The Avengers if his viewing choices were not governed by teenage girls: 1
— length of neck-destroying nap in lawn chair during the second act of your humble kamper’s third viewing of The Avengers: approximately 20 minutes
— number of twinkly-applied massages required to undo said crick: 1
— total length of show, from arrival to departure: five hours
— other places on this blessed earth your humble kamper would have rather been: none

This entry was posted in Humor, Movie Corner. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Drive-in Checklist

  1. pt dismal says:

    thanks for assuring me that going to a drive-in need not be on my bucket list, if i had a bucket list.


  2. Pingback: This I Want to See | Happy Valley News Hour

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