One Woman’s Harrowing Experience as an Eco-Diva

Is ‘Prepare for battle!’ the single funniest Amazon product comment of all time? You be the judge but the answer is yes.

A woman, the suspiciously named ‘Ben Dover‘, decides to try the DivaCup Model 2, which is one of those insertable cups that the ladies use instead of tampons.

Here’s an excerpt:

The theory is that the cup catches your pan drippings, and you empty it a couple times a day, washing it with hippy soap, and reinserting. It presupposes you are enough of an Earth Mother to be OK not only with your monthly outpourings, but also with generally fossicking around in your flaps. Now, I am no stranger to gore. Nor am I squeamish about my delicate rose of delight, except that I have no such illusions about it and indeed am always reminded of nothing so much as stuffing an oddly-warm raw turkey. So, when after several weeks of teasing, the Period Fairy threatening to postpone the Communist Invasion until I was actually getting on the plane (I was about ready to scream and cry at some hapless unwary male just as a sacrifice to appease her) at last I greeted the rosy-fingered dawn and set about embarking on my new life as a eco-friendly Diva.

The Moon Cup comes in two sizes; Size A, for youthful nymphs under 30 who have never given birth and have silken tresses and tinkling laughs and are all size 0, and size B, for Big Ol’ Bitches like m’self, who have either spawned, or are so old (ie over 30) that they might as well have been poppin’ them out like Duggar Donuts, because their sugar walls are now echoing corridors full of cobwebs and slackness. Of course the packaging phrases it more nicely, but I was miffed to see that despite having never replicated, I was still doomed to the Big Gulp size because of my age alone.

It only gets better from here. Read the rest.

I don’t know. It looks pretty easy in the diagram.


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2 Responses to One Woman’s Harrowing Experience as an Eco-Diva

  1. you don’t have to be a hippie you just need to be cheap to love the diva cup.

  2. oh, Crabby, that is fabulous!
    I can think of a few more things that make ownership of a cookie even more expensive:
    getting va-jeweled
    either the camel-toe cup:
    or the camel toe smoother
    not to mention cookie toys, which, let’s face it are much more important for girls than for boys. So many more options!

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