G.I.R.L.F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Remember that one show Northern Exposure from the 1990s? About all the crazy hijinks up in Alaska? That was a good show! And that was back when Alaska was innocently known to us lower 48 types as just a vast wilderness and not as the wintertime lair of the Crazy Snow Lady Who Wants to Be President and Also Rich. The main thing that ye olde kamper remembers about Northern Exposure is that mrs. kamper (the lovely twinkly sparkles) watched reruns of that show pretty much non-stop while she was pregnant with our first littlun and also that she sort of started to think that all of those people on the show were real and also that Joel Fleischman was her boyfriend.

Good times.

I bring all of this up because it turns out that Janine Turner, who played Maggie the bush pilot on the show, is now a raging wingnut who hates Obama with every fiber of her being and doesn’t care who knows it. Really, this lady makes Victoria Jackson look like Leon Trotsky.

Janine Turner now writes a column for noted accepter of columns Pajama’s Media and her most recent piece is entitled “Girlfriends, Let’s Talk about How to Convert a Democrat,” which is about how hard it is for Janine to have dinner with her friends who are all sane stupid brainwashed liberals. So Janine sets out to give her fellow lady Republicans some advice on how to convert Democrats back to sanity. To keep it simple, Janine breaks her advice down into a mnemonic device using the acronym G.I.R.L.F.R.I.E.N.D.S., except apparently Janine does not understand what a mnemonic device is or how it functions because instead of each letter standing for one easy-to-remember word each letter stands for several dozen unrelated and poorly researched wingnut bullit points. Which sort of defeats the purpose!

Every single letter in G.I.R.L.F.R.I.E.N.D.S. is pretty crazy but probably D is the downright craziest:

D: Darkness — Democrats Want Us to Be in the Dark. Want your child to sit in the dark? Be a Democrat.

  • We did not blow out our candles until we had electricity strung in our homes.
  • Obama is punishing and restricting our current American energy industry through the EPA in ways that are not feasible and not constitutional.
  • Government fails when it mandates the market. See Solyndra.
  • Our electricity is being compromised before alternatives are viable and accessible.
  • Obama and the Democrats want us to be awash in windmills.
  • What happens if the wind doesn’t blow?

So, conservative ladies, next time you are out with your girlfriends and they all start going on and on and on about, say, child labor laws or having a weekend or worker safety, hit your girlfriends with G.I.R.L.F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

G: Get
I: Informed
R: Republicans
L: Legislative
F: Fuel
R: Return
I: Insolvency
E: Entitlement
N: National
D: Darkness
S: Sick

That’ll learn ’em.

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One Response to G.I.R.L.F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

  1. Wow. Is this my first link embedded into one of your blogposts? I am blushing, but maybe not as much as your readers will when they read my latest (slutty) poem. Oops. Sluts are in the next post over.
    AND I DIDN’T HAVE A CRUSH ON DR. FLEISHMAN, I was too busy barfing!
    XO, twinkly

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