Over at Althouse, Ann links to this Dear Prudence letter in which a husband worries about his wife attending a conference with a work colleague who is male. To which one of Althouse’s eminently reasonable commenters gives the following advice:
I would immediately contact a domestic litigation specialist for a consultation regarding all the pertinent laws in your state. Community property states (LA, TX, NM, AZ, NV, CA, ID, WA … and WI) can be particularly tricky, and CA is particularly awful because whilst property must be divided “evenly,” the debt is to be divided “equitably” which means the man usually gets most of it.
With that attorney, develop a plan for asset protection, including detailed analysis and documentation of personal financial contributions to the marriage.
Get a paternity test for the younger child.
Hire a good PI, preferably female, and arrange for her to be at the conference.
Obtain her cell and other call records and if possible e-mails before any confrontation.
Document. Document. Document. Check with the attorney about state laws regarding recording conversations. Phone calls are probably different than recording conversations with the wife in the home, since many states require the consent of one party to the recording.
Recording almost everything at home is important because after the confrontation the woman is likely to launch a bogus VAWA action.
If adultery is proven, then before the confrontation arrange an alternate place to live in another town. Get a post office box and a personal bank account. If necessary for the divorce lawyer, drain the common bank account in order to have sufficient retainer. It can be sorted out later.
After the confrontation do not allow the woman to leave home alone with the children. If she shows no remorse and repentance, leave with the children at the first opportunity, taking all important legal documents, things of especial personal significance or value.
If the attorney has wisely prepared all the paperwork in advance, file for divorce the same day and have her served at work.
In short, why go to Defcon 1 when you can go to Defcon Insane?