Smurfing Bird

At Gawker, Richard Lawson posts this summary of The Smurf’s box office performance.

2) The Smurfs — $21M
As summer camp ends for a lot of kids, desperate parents resorted to desperate measures and took their squirming whelps to this squirming whelp of a movie. Parents sat dead-eyed in the darkened theater watching the cold CGI catastrophe unfold, their scraggly summer-mad children wriggling and barking in the seats next to them. The floors were sticky and the air too cold and the burnt scent of popcorn filled was awaft and on the screen Neil Patrick Harris was making some kind of strange facial expression, some simulacrum of acting that isn’t quite acting, and that weird bug-eyed woman from the singing show, the one the parents’ pimply nieces and nephews like, chirped annoyingly and the blue monstrosities made shit jokes and fart jokes and other thickly dumb jokes that made the kids howl their snotty, phlegmy howls and the parents’ breath felt sharp and sad in their lungs and the school year could not come fast enough, sweet Jesus in swampy heaven please send September to the world, it needs to come, it needs to come, save us all from the Smurfs, September needs to come.

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