Test Subject Needed for Time Machine

From Craigslist, this:

TEST SUBJECT NEEDED FOR TIME MACHINE

I have successfully built a working time machine and need a human test subject that is willing to be the first person to ever travel back in time.

Due to the dimensions of the machine, you must be shorter than 6’3″ and weigh less than 230 lbs. Also, you must be male. That’s not due to the dimensions of the machine, it’s just a personal thing. I think a man should be the first to time travel, just like he was the first to fly an airplane and to walk on the moon.

The pay is $3,000 and, of course, you’ll reap the benefits of being the first person to ever travel back in time (media coverage, endorsements, etc.). You will have to sign a waiver that mainly states:

1. I am not responsible for anything that happens to you when you time travel.
2. You are forbidden from interfering in matters that would disrupt the current timeline (i.e. killing Hitler, warning Hitler about D-Day, etc.).
3. You are not allowed to travel back in time for the purposes of tearing up this waiver before it’s been signed, thereby negating this waiver you’re about to sign. I built a time machine, I’m no moron.

As far as the danger of time traveling in this machine, we sent a dog into the past yesterday and it went off without a hitch. He hasn’t yet returned, but that’s just because animals don’t know how to rendezvous. We would like for you to bring him back, if at all possible.

Lastly, you will need three personal references. I can’t take a chance sending some unscrupulous druggie into the past because you’ll mess everything up for us here in the present. The references must be male. Again, it’s just a personal thing.

If you would like to participate, call me on my cell phone at XXX.

Greg

UPDATE: Listing is gone already; here is a screencap.

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42 Responses to Test Subject Needed for Time Machine

  1. Dang, I have a vagina. I TOTALLY would have done it.

  2. im willing to do it but i need to ask some questions about how you can control the tempral vortex and be able to conctrate it to a specific time and be able to retrive the subject from said time stream you say you don’t want anyone to change the past then you sent an unmontiored animal into the past who if it got agravated and attacked and killed someone you just changed the past your self so give me a little more confidence that you acctually know what your doing then we will talk.

  3. Kellan says:

    ill do it!

  4. Anonymous says:

    I am willing and able. College grad male 180lb and 45 yrs old. This has always been a dream of mine. How about I pay you. The sooner the better

    email quickngreen@gmail.com

  5. Anonymous says:

    I’ll do it and il find the dog if u promise me to take me to one date back in time please

  6. james baldwin says:

    i’ll do it
    all i need is your number so i can contact you

  7. Your Mother says:

    So sad that this many people believed this.

  8. Anonymous says:

    How about letting an arab to be the first to time travel? DO IT NOW 004552254125 cell number

  9. jade says:

    it shouldnt matter if its a man or woman that goes… just send one of both.. both would have a different opinion of the past.

  10. LM says:

    Idiots!!!

  11. Anonymous says:

    Ok I’ll do it but I’ll need a rubber duck a a balloon and the cure for polio and three hundred dollars in unmarked two dollar bill

  12. tony carpenter says:

    ill do it. no questions asked.

  13. Milan says:

    I wud like to volunteer but i have no cah and i wont demand anything and i comply to all of those rules ! Please just make my life useful
    am desperate

  14. Anonymous says:

    Contact me.

  15. water says:

    i’m the perfect subject because i’m shorter than 6’3 and i’m 97 pounds i’ll do it

  16. water says:

    i’ll do it i’m a guy i’ll even do it if you don’t pay me.i’ll do it no questions asked except 1 witch is how does it work.

  17. water says:

    how can the person you choose know were to go and how to contact you?

  18. water says:

    send me a message on gmail or facebook if you choose me

  19. Leon says:

    Is this still available for me to apply for this test, I’m male, under 230 and also under 6″3 , references I have plenty and male.

  20. tyler shipley says:

    I am 19 5’10 maybe 5’11 I weigh roughly 140 I’m intelligent and a strong person I know what effect messing things up in the past will do hints the idea of the butterfly effect sounds rediculous but very true I would be honored if I was the first man to go back in time I always felt like I was meant for something great just didn’t know what

  21. Joshua.m says:

    I am a 12 year old and taller then 5 feet and smaller that 6 feet and 106pounds

  22. Nader says:

    If this thing is for real, I’ll be more than happy to go for it, I’m 50 years old 5’10 and 160 pounds

  23. Pruthvi says:

    Im 22 year old male im about 5’9 and 135 lbs im willing to do it plz contact me…

  24. mike says:

    im 21 years old healthy physically active 5’9″ 160lbs. contact me at mglidden58@yahoo.com

  25. asdas says:

    Must have more than 18 years old and be american?I’m brazilian and i have 14.

  26. Nikolas says:

    Where do you sign up?

  27. craigory krupka-collins says:

    5’9″ 145 lbs. Irish/ czech. Just dont send me to WW1.

  28. Wilbert jean says:

    I want to participate in this.

  29. Anonymous says:

    test successful no way back going insaine.

  30. Anonymous says:

    Who got the job

  31. Haru says:

    So instead of changing the cycle of what sex would be first you go for a man, and decide a woman is not good enough for this job. Why not do it yourself then, so you don’t make all ladies of the world a top enemy to you. Therefor actually doing something meaningful in your miserable life instead of causing a whole world population of women to turn on you and decide to hunt you down and persecute you for being sexist. Key idea here. Instead of making yourself out to be a jerk of epic proportions, test it yourself, and get off your ego trip. Because I didn’t want to test your faulty machine in the first place.

  32. caden says:

    ill do it im 13 but ill do it

  33. Anonymous says:

    Still open for test!

  34. kabir says:

    I wantt to be d test subject leme knw whn nd how to apply

  35. Anonymous says:

    I am the 1 who seeks no return missions. Any time/space experiments would be accepted. Male 34
    Reza.baabakaan@gmail.com

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