Republicans Demand to See Osama’s Long Form Death Certificate

Senate Republicans were cautiously optimistic about the news that Osama bin Laden had been killed in Pakistan, but demanded that President Obama produce Osama’s long form death certificate. “Is he dead?” asked Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner. “Perhaps. But we won’t know for certain until we see an official death certificate, signed by an attending physician and stamped by the Clerk of Courts. Preferably in triplicate. That’s the Republican way.”

Potential presidential candidate Donald Trump told reporters, “It’s been nearly twelve fucking hours since the announcement. Release the fucking certificate already! I don’t know what this knucklenead is waiting for. If this guy [Obama] was on Celebrity Apprentice, I’d fire his fucking ass toot sweet!” Another potential Republican candidate for president, Michele Bachmann (R-MN), when asked for comment, bared her teeth, uttered a high pitched shriek, and hurled her feces at the reporter.
Update: Okay, not the most original (or funniest) joke in the world, especially since it’s come true.

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