Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
A man walked into a bar, he is alcoholic and is ruining his family.
A: Knock knock!
B: Come in.
And here are a few of my own:
Have you read Shakespeare?
Dunno. Who wrote it?
A little boy who was sleeping in his parent’s bed woke up in the middle of the night only to discover his mother performing fellatio on his father.
“Mommy, mommy,” he said . . . except he didn’t — he said nothing, and the incident troubled him for many years.
How many dead babies would it take to plug the Fukushima Dai-Ichi nuclear power plant?
None — they are using thousands of litres of liquid glass coagulant instead.
A husband said to his wife, “If you want to have sex, stroke my penis one time. If you don’t want to have sex, just say so and I will respect your decision, though I may be disappointed.”
Why did George Bush climb the Statue of Liberty?
I’m not sure, as this event is not covered in any of the myriad books written about his administration.
How did Helen Keller burn her hands?
On a candle.