Prostate Exam Ends Awkwardly

A local man’s prostate exam ended awkwardly earlier this afternoon, sources report. The DRE (or digital rectal exam) showed no signs of an enlarged prostate but the office visit nonetheless “ended on kind of a weird note,” according to the patient, George P. Gowans. The exam came at the end of an annual physical which consisted of Dr. Joyce Chien asking Mr. Gowans a series of health-related questions, checking his blood pressure, listening to his heart, inspecting his eyes and ears, ordering a round of fasting blood work, and, finally, putting her gloved, lubricated index finger up his ass to the second knuckle.

“So, can you believe it’s still raining out there?” Mr. Gowans said as he pulled up and fastened his pants, speaking with forced bonhomie to the person who’d just had her finger up his ass to the second knuckle.

Dr. Chien asked, “Is that right?” as she peeled off the examination glove she’d been wearing while she had her finger up his ass to the second knuckle and dropped it into a wastebasket festooned with a biohazard symbol.

“Yep,” Mr. Gowans said to the person who’d just had her finger up his ass to the second knuckle, “it sure is.” After a moment of silence as Dr. Chien wrote something on her clipboard, he added, “Nice weather for ducks, I suppose.”

“Huh? Right,” said Dr. Chien, forcing a laugh. At that point, the doctor who’d just had her finger up his ass to the second knuckle said goodbye and left the examination room to attend to her next patient.

The exam now officially over, Mr. Gowans couldn’t help glancing at the crumpled up glove in the wastebasket before leaving to take care of his copay.