Carbon Neutral Lifestyle Just Another Excuse to Remain on Couch

Northampton resident Craig T. Blentikoff’s efforts to live a Carbon Neutral Lifestyle are turning out to be just another excuse never to get off the couch, friends of the unemployed 24-year-old man report. “Last week I ask him to hike Mount Tom,” Brian Hitch, a friend, reported, “and he gives me this whole song and dance about ‘reducing his carbon footprint’ or some shit. I say, dude, it’s walking. But he just muttered something about permafrost and hung up.” Mandy Quinn, his girlfriend of three months, confirms that Mr. Blentikoff cited the effects of global warming to get out of accompanying her to see the film In the Land of Women. “Then he turns around and sees 300 on opening night. He claimed he bought some carbon offsets on-line, but he didn’t even have a receipt or anything.”

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