From Craigslist, this:
TEST SUBJECT NEEDED FOR TIME MACHINE
I have successfully built a working time machine and need a human test subject that is willing to be the first person to ever travel back in time.
Due to the dimensions of the machine, you must be shorter than 6’3″ and weigh less than 230 lbs. Also, you must be male. That’s not due to the dimensions of the machine, it’s just a personal thing. I think a man should be the first to time travel, just like he was the first to fly an airplane and to walk on the moon.
The pay is $3,000 and, of course, you’ll reap the benefits of being the first person to ever travel back in time (media coverage, endorsements, etc.). You will have to sign a waiver that mainly states:
1. I am not responsible for anything that happens to you when you time travel.
2. You are forbidden from interfering in matters that would disrupt the current timeline (i.e. killing Hitler, warning Hitler about D-Day, etc.).
3. You are not allowed to travel back in time for the purposes of tearing up this waiver before it’s been signed, thereby negating this waiver you’re about to sign. I built a time machine, I’m no moron.
As far as the danger of time traveling in this machine, we sent a dog into the past yesterday and it went off without a hitch. He hasn’t yet returned, but that’s just because animals don’t know how to rendezvous. We would like for you to bring him back, if at all possible.
Lastly, you will need three personal references. I can’t take a chance sending some unscrupulous druggie into the past because you’ll mess everything up for us here in the present. The references must be male. Again, it’s just a personal thing.
If you would like to participate, call me on my cell phone at XXX.
Greg
UPDATE: Listing is gone already; here is a screencap.
Dang, I have a vagina. I TOTALLY would have done it.
There is great cause for introspect, seeing as I am strongly considering submitting an application for this position.
im willing to do it but i need to ask some questions about how you can control the tempral vortex and be able to conctrate it to a specific time and be able to retrive the subject from said time stream you say you don’t want anyone to change the past then you sent an unmontiored animal into the past who if it got agravated and attacked and killed someone you just changed the past your self so give me a little more confidence that you acctually know what your doing then we will talk.
also I forgot i will need to know what date you plan to send said subject to becuase ill need period clothes real money from said time peiord and proof that you guys acctually know what your doing
i do dat in a hart beat
ill do it!
You already did. Oh wait, I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. Forget I said anything.
I am willing and able. College grad male 180lb and 45 yrs old. This has always been a dream of mine. How about I pay you. The sooner the better
email quickngreen@gmail.com
I’ll do it and il find the dog if u promise me to take me to one date back in time please
i’ll do it
all i need is your number so i can contact you