Cave-in-Rock, IL — Call it the Marriage of the Juggalos. On Saturday, Violent J, one-half of the rap group Insane Clown Posse, closed the band’s annual festival for its fans by officiating a mass wedding that joined 20,000 attendees in the bonds of holy matrimony. Fans of the band are called Juggalos and their annual festival is called the Gathering of Juggalos. It has been held for the last four years at Cave-in-Rock in southern Illinois. During the band’s closing set on Saturday night, Violent J stopped the music and told every person in the crowd to take the hand of the person standing next to them. He then conducted a short wedding ceremony marrying them to that person.
This was no publicity stunt. “These weddings are legally binding, I’m afraid,” said Cave-in-Rock deputy sheriff Whitney T. Bronson. “As mayor of Cave-in-Rock, Violent J is also the Justice of the Peace in these parts,” he said. Then, pushing his dusty, weather-beaten hat back on his head, he said ruefully, “Yep, he pretty much owns this town.”
Asked why he conducted the mass wedding, Violent J said, “Simple necessity. Look, I love these ninjas to death, let’s peep it, none of them won the gene lottery. I mean, the bitches wear clown makeup and listen to Boondox. Have you ever heard Boondox? So the odds of them finding mates through normal channels are slim to none. I just did what I had to do to ensure the survival of the species. The Juggalo species, that is.” He added, “Hey, if Mormons can do it then we can do it.”
Given the randomness behind the choices, many of those interviewed by this reporter were less than pleased at their new spouses, particularly those now married to members of the same sex, a statistical likelihood considering the band’s demographic, which skews overwhelmingly toward young heterosexual men. One Juggalo, Da Horny Hatchet, said, “I don’t want to question the revelations of the great man himself, woot woot, but all in all I’d prefer to be married to a sweet young Juggalette instead of this guy.” He pointed to his new spouse, an overweight man in smudged clown makeup passed out in the mud wearing only his underwear and a soiled Twistid t-shirt. “How do I know if we have anything in common?” He then drenched himself in orange Faygo and hurled himself into a nearby pond.
Violent J: rapper, Justice of the Peace, visionary
I am a Juggalette and I would be proud as hell if Violent J married me and my man!!!! Whoop whoop
Is there anyway to actually have Violent Jay marry you at GOTJ? because my fiance and I were thinking it would be so dope to do it but I can’t seem to find anything about it anywhere..HELP! the Gathering is like a month away now and I need a answer soon any help is welcomed thank you