Happy Valley News Hour

Just discovered (through Sullivan) this blog, Postcards From Yo Momma, which reprints reader-submitted notes from their mothers.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Turkey Bacon:

I was up in the middle of the night with aching bones and fever. It is not possible. Everybody interrupts, calls, comes by. Anyway, when I was lying there feeling like I had flu, I wondered if you can get bird flu from eating turkey bacon?

Love you,
Mom

Nasal Irrigator:

In other news, your father asked me this morning if he could borrow my nasal irrigator. I got very excited, thinking he was being pro-active in fighting the cold that’s got him sniffling non-stop already. Turns out he just wanted to use the irrigator to inject jelly into the croissants he was baking. I could write a fucking book.

I’ve got to buckle down now and read this new script.

XXOO
MA

Don’t play coy with me, Mom:

* Me: Do you read my blog? I can track who is reading it and I think you may be. Me no likey mother.
* Mom: What’s a blag?
* Me: It is a sin to lie. Don’t play coy with me!! Are you reading my “online journal”?
* Mom: I barely have time to call you! I don’t know how to do my space or whatever it is. You may recall that when I asked you about how it worked, you never showed me.

A middle aged lump of non-swimming-ness:

Dear Child

Mummy has to go away on a boat that Daddy will be driving or floating or whatever one does with boats and what with sharks and stingrays and lord only knows what, and also with not being able to swim and with your father being the captain

I’m probably going to drown so I just wanted you to know that this is the sort of thing I go along with because I love daddy so much and I want him to think I’m a sporty, athletic, floatable kind of person instead of, you know, a middle aged lump of non-swimming-ness. Also I wanted to say that I always loved you best of all my children and you must fight for 80% of The Will (I’m taking your father down with me, if I go…. And name all your grandchildren Judith. Even the boys. If I had to put up with it they can too….

Much love

Mummy

fyi:

std’s are on the rise.

love, mom

On a personal note, my own mom died when I was 16, so you won’t get any sympathy from me for having a pain-in-the-ass for a mother.