Boy Meets Girl

The Weddings section of the New York Times is always something of a glimpse into La-La Land, but last week’s edition took a turn into the surreal.

Rebecca Wallison Hufferdine attacks married life as if she were in a scrum. Fortunately, her husband, Chris Hufferdine, knew exactly what was about to hit him after their wedding on July 24, 2004. She was a hard-charging Harvard-educated rugby player from a politically prominent Washington-area family.

So far so good.

After they married, each gave up playing for the New York Rugby Club, but they did not leave their competitive spirit on the field.

Ruh-roh.

They have push-up contests. She wins. They play Scrabble. She wins.

No word on Connect Four. What about chess?

She refuses to play chess with him until she can win. “She’ll learn it in secret, then one day I will ask her to play and she’ll say ‘yes,’ ” and then trounce him, said Mr. Hufferdine, 31.

So it’s like that. Still, I’m sure it’s all quite harmonious.

Early in the marriage, they fought over directions virtually every time they sat in the car together. One night, their fighting was so intense that Mrs. Hufferdine, who was driving, told her husband to get out. He called her bluff. She drove off, leaving him by the side of the road.

What a heartwarming anecdote to share with the friendly reporter!

By the way, how’s that big renovation project going?

Mr. Hufferdine criticized his wife’s painting prowess. So, she handed him the brush and he painted the dining room five times before she deemed it acceptable. “I’m just the fellow shoveling the coal,” he said in a twinkly-eye sort of way.

I’m pretty sure that twinkle is the medication working.

Anyway, she can’t be that way with everyone.

How’s she get on with the in-laws?

Mrs. Hufferdine, who prefers a nice selection of sushi, was equally shocked at the five different meats, including bacon-wrapped sausages, that her mother-in-law served during a Christmas dinner. “I didn’t know you could put that much pork into one bite,” she said.

The Hottie & the Nottie — the Proverbial Worst Movie Ever?

No. Not by a long shot, at least according to Joe Queenan, who knows about such things. Which isn’t to say that the new Paris Hilton vanity project, which earned a whopping $28,000 during its domestic release, is not a truly awful movie. Here, Joe uses it as a jumping off point for a meditation on what separates your run-of-the-mill stinker from an out-and-out train-wreck.

Though it is a natural impulse to believe that the excruciating film one is watching today is on a par with the excruciating films of yesterday, this is a slight to those who have worked long and hard to make movies so moronic that the public will still be talking about them decades later. Anyone can make a bad movie; Kate Hudson and Adam Sandler make them by the fistful. Anyone can make a sickening movie; we are already up to Saw IV. Anyone can make an unwatchable movie; Jack Black and Martin Lawrence do it every week. And anyone can make a comedy that is not funny; Jack Black and Martin Lawrence do it every week. But to make a movie that destroys a studio, wrecks careers, bankrupts investors, and turns everyone connected with it into a laughing stock requires a level of moxie, self-involvement, lack of taste, obliviousness to reality and general contempt for mankind that the average director, producer and movie star can only dream of attaining.

I can’t rival Joe’s encyclopedic knowledge of terrible movies, but I’ve certainly seen my share. Here is a list of some of the worst I’ve seen over the last few years. It’s not comprehensive by any means, just those few cinematic gems that spring immediately to mind when I think of the words Truly Crappy Movie.

Hulk: Many people see thing here Kamper not see. Many people seem to enjoy Hulk. Kamper not enjoy Hulk. Many people see complex story with Shakespearean undertones. Kamper not see that. Kamper see bad CGI and bad acting. That make Kamper mad! Kamper not pretty when mad!! Kamper crush you until you not like Hulk no more!!!

And now Kamper learn they are making sequel to Hulk? That make Kamper mad! Kamper not pretty when . . .

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones: Geez, even typing the title pisses me off. This movie, like anything else George Lucas has released in the last decade, does not seem to have been made for human beings, but rather for some droid race far removed from our hopes and cares and interests. You’ve heard of post-modern? This thing is post-human. It doesn’t even feel like a film under the commonly accepted definition of that term. It’s on film, certainly, and actors walk around sets delivering what appears to be dialogue, but there’s nothing here to engage with on even the most superficial level — Hayden Christensen least of all. As for its plot, things happen and then some other things happen and then still more things happen — it feels like the masturbatory visions of a 13-year-old with Aspergers and a $200 million budget. The closest experience I can think of to watching this movie was riding on this wretched thing.

Pirates of the Caribbean 3: Pirates on the Edge of Tomorrow: What an excruciating, draining, and ultimately depressing experience it was to endure this thunderously loud, incomprehensible mess of a movie. Saw it while on vacation in Provincetown, and all I could think of while watching it were all the funner things I could have been doing at that moment — like drowning in Cape Cod Bay. Gore Verbinski has made some good movies (The Ring, The Weatherman, the first Pirates), so let’s hope this was a contractual thing and not a harbinger of things to come.

Matrix 3 (whatever the hell it was called): Matrix 1 = excellent; Matrix 2 = tiresome; Matrix 3 = WTF?

Alexander: I can’t add anything to the opening paragraph of Eric Snider’s review of this one: “I’ll say this for Oliver Stone: When he makes a mess, he makes a HUGE MESS. He doesn’t just create trainwrecks. He knocks the train off the rails, sets it on fire, then kills every person onboard. (And takes three hours to do it.)”

The Wicker Man (2006 remake): Regular readers of HVNH already know of my veneration for the craptastic grandeur that is Neil LaBute’s remake of The Wicker Man.

Battlefield Earth: Every bit as godforsaken as you have heard or are capable of imagining.

What about you? What is the absolute worst movie you’ve seen lately?

Tracy Tracy Tracy

Ah, Tracy Ullman. You should know that the Kamper has a special weakness for the funny ladies (don’t get me started on Catherine Ohara), and Tracy Ullman is one funny lady. She’s got a new show “State of the Union” coming to Showtime — which means — cheapskate that I am — I’ll see it in a few years, when the first season is released on DVD. But then good comedy is ageless. Comedy fans will recall that it was Ms. Ullman who gave a certain crudely drawn animated show its start.

Here is a clip from “Tracy Takes On,” her HBO series from a while back. You could almost pick a clip at random and it’d be funny, but this one is a favorite — Linda Granger takes on marriage.

Cooking with Christopher Walken

From Australian TV’s “The Wedge.”

The Inspirational Wisdom of Ashley Alexandra Dupré

Like all the rest of you (10,041,625 of you, to be exact), the Kamper will admit to checking out the MySpace page of the young lassie whose services were deemed by former New York governor Eliot Spitzer to be worth upwards of $4,000 per hour. But while you guys were trolling around looking for salacious photos, the Kamper was doing some detective work. Specifically, did you notice her motto, “what destroys me, strengthens me”?

I puzzled over this seemingly counter-intuitive bon-mot for a while before finally figuring it out. It’s obvious that this quote is a subtle reference to the ‘creative destruction’ economic theories of Joseph Schumpeter, or perhaps a sly reworking of Friedrich Nietzsche’s famous observation, “What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.” Either way, this gal is traveling in some elite intellectual circles — it’s clear that there’s more here than meets the eye.

Let the Kamper be the first to state what should be obvious to the rest of you by now: the meetings between Eliot and Ashley/Kirsten were not about sex at all! Don’t you see? She was advising him on economic issues! That’s why she cost four grand an hour. How much you think Alan Greenspan is charging these days?

When I wrote to Ashley to share this theory, she wrote back right away, relieved that someone had finally gotten it. By way of thanks, and as a means of sharing her wisdom with other aspiring singer/economist/hookers out there, Ashley has graciously agreed to share her favorite inspirational sayings with the readers of the Happy Valley News Hour.

Her message: “Oh my God! I am so excited to share this list with all of you!! I did it from memory, so I hope I got all of them right. Luv ya, Ash. XOXO”

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Ashley Alexandra Dupré’s Absolute Favorite Inspirational Sayings

“I think, therefore I am. Sam I am.”
René Descartes (my favorite philosopher because he also uses an accent in his name!)

“Phil Specter is haunting the great capitals of Europe.”
Karl Marx

“Beauty is a beast, and truth beastly, that is all ye know of Earth, Wind & Fire.”
John Keats

“When the road split, I went the way less trafficked by. It made a big difference.”
Robert Frost

“God, grant me serenity now,
the courage to change things,
if I only had a brain.”
Anonymous

“Lie down with Snoop Dog, rise up with Flea.”
Ben Franklin

“Youth is wasted on the young. But old guys are still gross.”
George Bernard Shaw

“There’s no eye in teamwork.”
Anonymous

When Conservatives Make Funny

In theory, there’s no reason conservatives can’t be funny. After all, there are many left/liberal shibboleths in dire need of skewering, such as, “Birkenstock sandals sure look nice with black socks,” or “Walter Mondale would make a good president.” So why is it that every time conservatives try to make funny, it seems to turn out like this?

By the way, this is Episode 150 of this particular program. That’s right, there have been 150 episodes of this thing, and every one of them is exactly like this one.* Actually, that’s not quite true; Jodi Miller’s delivery has improved marginally over time, so what you’re seeing here is her A-game.

It may behoove us to don our CSI (Comedy Scene Investigation) hats to examine this corpse in hopes of answering the question, What Killed the Funny?

The culprits:

1. the leaden setup;
2. the awkward, “wait-for-this” pause that telegraphs every punchline;
3. the punchlines themselves, which have all the earmarks of jokes except for the part where they’re funny;
4. the self-congratulatory mugging after every joke; or
5. the excruciating canned laughter

The answer, of course, is all of the above, but there’s more stinking up this clip than just tone-deaf writing, ham-handed delivery, and a laugh track permanently set to ‘bray.’ Newsbusters, it turns out, is funded by the Media Research Center, a right-wing media watchdog group, and its mission, as stated on its website, is to “document and counter liberal bias from television network news shows and major print publications.”

Not an agenda that’s likely to yield comedy gold — which is why the result has all the levity of a Soviet-bloc news broadcast.

Afficionados of conservative comedy may remember the short-lived Half Hour Comedy Hour, which was Fox News’ attempt to do a conservative version Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert. How’d that work out? See for yourself.

Mommy, why does that mean man hate comedy?

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* based on a random sampling. I did not actually watch all 150 episodes. There are limits to how much punishment the Kamper can take, even in the name of comedy research.

Beyond Satire, Part III

How is the humble humorist supposed to satirize this administration when they keep doing things like this:

Vice President Dick Cheney went fishing in the waters between Oman and Iran on Wednesday, borrowing the Sultan of Oman’s 60-foot royal yacht for the mission.

That’s right. Cheney spent the fifth anniversary of the Iraq war fishing.

Off the the coast of Iran.

On a 60 foot royal yacht, the Kingfish 1, that he borrowed from his close personal friend, Sultan Qaboo bin Said of Oman.

And, of course, we also have this adorable performance.  High-larious!

There Will Be Bud

There are many parodies, tributes, homages, burlesques, paeans, and panegyrics to There Will Be Blood out there on the Internets right now. This one is the funniest.

Here is an amazing side-by-side comparison with the real trailer.

The Unoffical Strategy Guide to ‘Pundit!’

By Myron Jerome Greenbaum (AKA PlayaKilla)

Introduction
First of all, I want to thank you for downloading my Unofficial Strategy Guide for Pundit! — the new role playing game that lets you play as your favorite cultural critic. I know there are lots of strategy guides out there on the web for this kick-ass new RPG, so thanks for choosing mine. I think you’ll find it helpful.

This is none other than PlayaKilla, and I’ll be your humble (not!) host for these proceedings. Those of you who’ve been around the gaming world for a while no doubt already know ole PK from my previous strategy guides for games such as Peak Oil (Hint: whatever you do, don’t play as the Americans!) and Entertainment Lawyer (Hint: sign Leonardo early or live to regret it!). For you newbies out there, just sit back and let PK provide you with the mad skeelz you will need to get through this game — you’ll be dominating the airwaves in no time!

The Basics
As you probably already know (assuming you read the box before you bought it!), Pundit! is role playing game that allows you to fill the shoes of your favorite pedagogue, so the first thing you have to decide in creating a character is whether you want to play as a conservative or a liberal. Conservatives are attack characters, so if you’re the type who gets off on slinging wholesale slaughter about the playing field, this is the choice for you. Liberals are more defensive characters, so if you prefer to hang back and feel slightly superior to everyone caught in the fray, or if you reject the false tautology that sees violent confrontation as the only solution to conflict, this is the choice for you.

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Playing as a Conservative
So you’ve decided to play as a conservative. Good choice, IMHO. A killer combo of wicked attacks and a scorched earth approach to dealing with any and all adversaries makes conservatives the most fun to play. All conservative characters share one spell in common: FAUX OUTRAGE. As a conservative, FAUX OUTRAGE is your F1 attack, your most elemental response to any threat. Beyond that, you’ve got three characters classes to choose from, each of which has distinct strengths and weaknesses. I’ll deal with each of them separately below.

1. Ann Coulter
Coulter offers a wicked fast attack speed and is surprisingly durable for such a skinny little thing. Her main attacks are REPULSE and HARPY SHRIEK, both of which are deadly. But beware, HARPY SHRIEK loses its effectiveness the more you use it because enemies will become immune — the good news is that Coulter always retains her power to REPULSE. Another Coulter spell is QUESTION MASCULINITY, which can be highly effective against vulnerable targets. As you level up, put all of your experience points into STAMINA, because that’s pretty much all you’ll need with this character. Avoid INTELLIGENCE as it is no help whatsoever with her attack style. Some players will tell you to put points into SEX APPEAL but it did no good that I could see. When you reach Level 10, you can hire a mercenary – Michelle Malkin. Use her as canon fodder and then come in behind and sweep up with HARPY SHRIEK for a vicious 1-2 punch!

Helpful Hint: When playing as Coulter, drink the blood of your slain enemies for a power boost.

2. Rush Limbaugh
Limbaugh is a solid all-around character, offering stamina and great girth along with a medium-to-slow attack speed. His default attack is BLOVIATE. When you reach Level 10, you get access to a new spell, SUMMON DITTOHEADS, which conjures a swarm of mindless zombies. Send them in first as shock troops for major battles, then follow up with BLOVIATE to mop up any stragglers. Easy as that. As with Coulter, STAMINA is your go-to skill – your basic strategy is to just keep hitting the same notes over and over and over again.

Helpful Hint: When playing as Limbaugh, seek out hidden “Oxy Packs” for an extra boost of energy.

3. George F. Will
The least effective character on the conservative side. He’s got a slow, deliberative attack style and, worse yet, his main attack is DRY WIT, which is not particularly damaging. Put all of your experience points into LOGIC and INTELLIGENCE, as they’re pretty much his only strengths, but I’ve got to warn you, LOGIC and INTELLIGENCE will not get you far in Pundit! When you reach Level 10, you can hire a mercenary – Tucker Carlson. The less said about him, the better.

Level Bosses
Now let’s talk about the level bosses you’ll face playing as a conservative.

1. Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid
Weak. These two work as a tag team, but they’re not very effective fighters either together or alone. Before you face them, put on some decent armor, such as the Cloak of 9/11 or the Flag Lapel Pin. Soon as you see them, hit ‘em with QUESTION PATRIOTISM or WEAK ON DEFENSE a few times and they’ll go down hard. No muss, no fuss. Even George F. Will should be able to breeze through these two without breaking a sweat.

2. Barbra Streisand and Alec Baldwin
Moderately tough. Another tag team, these two show-biz types shouldn’t pose too much of a challenge. Hit them with HOLLYWOOD VALUES or LIBERAL ELITE to take them out. Beware their STAR POWER counter spell – it dazzles all characters within its radius, effectively blinding adversaries.

3. George Soros
Very tough. Soros is one of the most challenging level bosses in the game, if only because he has access to nearly unlimited resources. The trick here is to lure him out of his money den, then cut off his retreat and finish him off. Here’s the trick – use TRANSMUTE to disguise yourself as Arianna Huffington and invite him to brunch at Tavern on the Green. Then, when you’ve got him isolated, hit him hard with CONSPIRACY THEORY or possibly CHARGE BIAS. Whatever you do, don’t let him return to his money pit, because he’ll respawn and return stronger than ever!

End Boss: Billary, the Two-Headed Behemoth
So, young conservative, you’ve worked your way through all of the level bosses, now you think you’re ready to face the end boss. Not so fast. Because let me tell you, nothing you’ve encountered thus far comes anywhere close to what you’re up against now. Make sure you’ve reached at least Level 20 before even considering facing this adversary, because it’s a doosie: Billary, the Two-Headed Behemoth.

Billary is not a tag team so much as a single misshapen, symbiotic organism with four legs, two heads, and two sets of lawyers. Its default attack is DEADLY SLIME, which is viciously effective. One hit and your health bar will go down faster than Eliot Spitzer’s dinner date, so stay well out of spitting range! And be sure to stock up on STAMINA potions, because you’ll be needing them!

Some other Pundit! players will tell you that Billary is unkillable, but I’m here to tell you that it can be done, it just takes patience, cunning, and a hell of a lot of hit points. First use a DECOY spell to create a MONICA DECOY. Then, while you’ve got Bill distracted, hit Hillary with VOTED FOR IRAQ over and over and over. Don’t lay off, even if it doesn’t seem effective, because you’re wearing her down. When you’ve got her sufficiently weakened, it’s time to shift your focus to Bill. A lot of players try to hit him with IMPEACHMENT, but that’s a mistake. IMPEACHMENT has little or no effect on him. Instead, hit him with MARGINALIZATION – it’s a killer for him. Remember, they’re a single entity, so once you kill Bill, she’ll go down too, or vice-versa.

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Playing as a Liberal
So you’ve decided to play as a liberal. Hey, it’s your life. The problem with going liberal is that the other side gets all the cool attack spells and feels no compunction about using them – on you. Meanwhile you’re down in a defensive crouch, just trying to keep yourself alive! Still, it is possible to win playing as a liberal, it’s just less fun and requires a lot more persistence, sort of like, I don’t know, swimming the English channel or making it through a Merchant Ivory movie. All of the liberal pundits have a few basic spells in common, including CHARGE RACISM, CHARGE SEXISM, CHARGE HOMOPHOBIA, and CHARGE FASCISM. These are your default attacks as a liberal, so hotkey them in at F1 to F4 and deploy them early and often. You’d think they’d wear out over time but they never seem to lose their effectiveness. Just as with the conservatives, you’ve got three character classes to choose from on the liberal side, each of which has its own strengths and weaknesses.

1. Michael Moore
Best character on the liberal side, or at least the most fun to play. His main attacks are CHRONIC DISTORTION and STAGED EVENT, both of which serve him well. As you level up, put all your points into AUDACITY and SHAMELESSNESS, as they’re your only real skills. At Level 10, you can hire a mercenary: Morgan Spurlock.

Helpful Hint: When playing as Moore, pick up either MEDIA ATTENTION or CHICKEN BUCKET to give this character a major power boost.

2. Al Franken
His main attack is SARCASM, which can be effective but is limited since many level bosses on the conservative side are immune to irony. Put your experience points into TALENT, though, to be honest, talent is not much help in Pundit! At Level 10, you get access to a new spell, ELECTED OFFICE, which dramatically boosts your hit points and gives a +2 boost to BULLY PULPIT. You’re gonna need ‘em!

3. Keith Olbermann
A decent all-around character. His main attacks are SANCTIMONY and IMPASSIONED RANT, which hit hard but wear off quickly. At Level 10, you can hire a mercenary, Alan Colmes, who is not a whole lot of help.

Helpful Hint: When playing as Olbermann, pick up COMPARE TO MURROW to give this character a major power boost.

Level Bosses
Let’s look at the level bosses you’ll face playing as a liberal.

1. Michael Brown
Easy peazy, even for you pacifists. If you can’t get through Michael Brown, you’ve got no business playing Pundit! One hit from KATRINA ought to take him down. If he’s still standing after that, hit him with CHECK RESUME to finish him off.

2. Condi Rice
Moderately tough. Her main attacks are STRAW MAN and MUSHROOM CLOUD, both of which can be tricky in that you’re never quite sure who it is you’re fighting. She’ll keep sending her minions against you unless you can draw her out, so use a TRANSMUTE spell to disguise yourself as DICK CHENEY – when Condi spots him she’ll become enraged and come after you herself. Hit her with SPECTER OF VIETNAM or QUESTION COMPETENCY and that should take her out.

3. Karl Rove
Very Tough. The most difficult level boss in the entire game next to the big kahuna himself, whom we will meet below. Rove is a very wily adversary — his main attacks are INNUENDO and OBFUSCATION. Some players attempt to take him on directly, which is always a mistake – you’ll be dead before you know what hit you. With Rove, you have to adopt his own methods and come at him sideways. First thing, use DECOY to distract him with a JEFF GANNON DECOY, then when his attention is elsewhere, hit him over and over again with SUBPOENA. It won’t look like it’s having any effect, but eventually you’ll begin to see his health bar moving down – keep hitting him with SUBPOENA and REQUEST FOR WHITE HOUSE RECORDS until he’s buried. Once he’s dead, drive a stake through his heart just to make sure. Then burn the body. And scatter the ashes.

End Boss: Flightsuit George W. Bush
Okay, you’ve made it this far, but don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back just yet because there’s one heck of an end boss standing between you and final victory: George W. Bush — Flightsuit Edition. The first challenge with fighting him is getting to him – he’s cocooned within a protective bubble, so you’ll need to break through that first. Try using PRESS CONFERENCE to draw him out or, better yet, PHOTO OP DRESS UP, which he can’t seem to resist.

His main attack is DEADLY SMIRK, and he gets a huge power boost from CONDESCENSION. You might be tempted to hit him with SCANDAL, but guess what? He’s immune to SCANDAL, so you can forget that. Likewise with SUBPOENA, REQUEST FOR WHITE HOUSE RECORDS, QUESTION COMPETENCE and SPECTER OF VIETNAM. He’s immune to all of them! Nope, there’s only one spell that’s going to remove this baddie from the Oval Office. You’ve got to go nukular. That’s right: hit him with IMPEACHMENT.

But wait! You’re not done yet, because once Bush is defeated you’ll hear a horrible ripping sound and suddenly Dick Cheney comes tearing out of his skin. He’s been in there the whole time! And Cheney is even tougher than Bush. His main spell is GUTTURAL GROWL, which is a scorcher, plus he’s armed with a shotgun and, believe me, he’s not shy about using it – give him a decent shot and your ass is going to look like Harry Whittington’s face faster than you can say ‘unchecked executive power.’ So stay out of range and use DECOY to create a PATRICK FITZGERALD DECOY. When he goes after that with his shotgun, hit him with everything you’ve got, from HALLIBURTON SHARE PRICE to LAST THROES to FOUR DOLLAR GAS. If none of those work, he’s always susceptible to the LEGACY OF WATERGATE.

Well that’s it for my strategy guide. Congratulations, you are now an Expert Pundit! See ya on Fox News!

All-Chihuahua Team Leads 2008 Iditarod

Ophir, Alaska — In a shocking development, an all-Chihuahua team currently leads the 2008 Iditarod, the world’s most famous dog sled race. More surprising yet, the entire Chihuahua team — dogs and musher alike — are novices, having never competed in a previous dog sled race of any type, let along the mighty Iditarod. The Iditarod is run each March from Anchorage to Nome, Alaska, covering 1,150 miles of some the world’s harshest terrain in 10 to 17 days.

This unlikely team of literal underdogs is led by musher Josephine Eloise von Strattenberg, a New York socialite and dilettante who only took up mushing two weeks ago during a snow storm in Manhattan when she couldn’t get a cab and was late for a brunch date. The resourceful heiress simply lashed her six Chihuahuas — Gigi, Henri, Little Claude, Ricardo, Jean-Paul, and Alphonse — to a wagon and was on her way. The dogs — known simply as “her darlings” — enjoyed the experience so much that Ms. von Strattenberg decided on a whim to enter the Iditarod. The team quickly became a well known fixture on the streets of New York, once doing the grueling Saks-to-Barneys run in a blizzard in just under one hour.

Derided prior to the race as the “Paris Hilton of mushing,” Ms. von Strattenberg and her team have earned the grudging respect of veteran mushers. “Those little guys have a lot of pluck, especially Henri,” said former Iditarod winner Mitch Seavey, who indicated that he is investigating making the switch from Huskies to Chihuahuas for next year’s race. Defending Iditarod champion Lance Mackey, who previously held the lead, said he was passed by the Chihuahua team on Day 4, just outside the checkpoint at Ophir. “All I saw was a flash of mauve and fuchsia, and they were gone.”

At the Ophir checkpoint, while other mushers fed and watered their dogs or took mandatory rest periods, Ms. von Strattenberg paused only to apply lip gloss, check her voicemail, and get each of her dogs a pedicure before again hitting the trail. “Tata for now,” she called back, her words whipped by the howling wind.

Photo: Novice musher Josephine Eloise von Strattenberg leads her all-Chihuahua team into the lead during the 2008 Iditarod (L,R: Gigi, Henri, Little Claude, Ricardo, Jean-Paul, Alphonse, Josephine).

Photo: Day 4, Iditarod 2008: Gigi surveys the Alaskan terrain, happy he brought his sweater.

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Many thanks to Mat Jacobson for the Photoshops, which certainly were not done during work hours.