I’m No Proust Scholar, But “In Search of Lost Time” is Nothing But a Lame Retread of “Remembrances of Things Past”

Now I’m no fancy pants literary scholar, just an average working stiff who has dedicated himself to reading his way through the classics of Western literature. But I’ve got two eyes and a brain behind ‘em, and I know when someone is trying to pull the wool over my eyes.

So I’ve got to say, I’m on to you Mr. Marcel Proust! Or should I call you Mar-SELL OUT Proust?!

But let me back up here, because I’m getting ahead of myself. When the library lady recently recommended Proust’s “In Search of Lost Time” for my reading program, I was plenty excited, let me tell you. I knew from reading his first book, “Remembrances of Things Past,” that Proust was a writer who knew how to keep you turning pages late into the night. As anyone who’s dipped into this book knows, ROTP is a rip-roaring yarn, a no-holds-barred potboiler that grabs you by the throat on page one and doesn’t let go for six volumes and 3,400 pages (it reads like 2,500). He puts you right there in bed with the unnamed narrator as he rolls over for 30 gripping pages. Will he finish rolling over? Will he fall out of bed? No spoilers here, you’ve got to read it for yourself! And nobody in the lit biz — and I mean nobody (I’m looking at you, Leo Tolstoy) — can skewer the foibles and eccentricities of the landed aristocracy the way my boy Marcel can. The dude is freaking fearless! The dinner parties, the social engagements, the hours and hours of strolling on the beach, thinking about . . . well, things — it’s all right there in the pages of this book. I sure would hate to have been a member of the turn-of-the-century nouveaux riches French aristocracy when this book came out! Ka-ching!! That’s gotta hurt!

So needless to say, my expectations were sky-high when I cracked open Proust’s new book, “In Search of Lost Time.” Right away there were signs that all was not well — it has a similar title to ROTP and it’s also told in six volumes — but I figured, hey, Marcel is just revisiting some familiar themes here. When something works you stick with it, right? Besides, many of the greatest writers have returned to the same themes over and over, such as Shakespeare with his Dark Lady, Milton with his Satan, or Stephen King with his Dark Tower.

But having just finished volume six of ‘In Search of Lost Time,” I have to say: Been there. Done that.

Marcel, I hate to break this to you because you’ve obviously put a lot of effort into this new book, but you cannot just tell the same exact story all over again! It’s like “A Nightmare on Elm Street Part Two: Freddy’s Revenge,” and at least in that case the screenwriter went so far as to change the sex of the main character even if everything else was pretty much the same as the first “Nightmare on Elm Street.” As for you, Marcel, you even threw in the bit with the cookie again. I mean, dude, come on, that’s just lazy.

The good news is that all is not lost. Marcel, you’ve obviously got talent. So sharpen up a few No.2 pencils, hit the old writing desk again, and this time do something totally different. Do something wild and crazy! Tell a pirate story or maybe start a detective series. Hey, how about this idea? You’ve already critiqued the aristocracy, how about taking a shot at poor people? Don’t they ever do anything that drives you absolutely bonkers? Or what about lawyers? They’re always good for a laugh. My point is, do something new.

And let me know the minute it’s finished. I need a good book.

Marcel Proust, a pretty good writer