UMASS Establishes Chair in Xtreme Mathematics

The University of Massachusetts has become the first school in the country to establish an endowed chair in Xtreme Mathematics. According to Elizabeth Winthrop-Jones, Director of Development for the university, the new faculty position was made possible by a $1 million donation from Jake “Spider” Blakely, the skateboarding/surfing tycoon. Ms. Winthrop-Jones explained that, in addition to being a lifelong enthusiast of extreme sports, Mr. Blakely is an accomplished amateur mathematician. This endowment is a chance to bring those two interests together. In keeping with the spirit of the gift, the new faculty position will be dedicated to living on the edge 24/7/365 and pushing the boundaries of mathematics to their absolute limit and beyond. “No rules, man,” Ms. Winthrop-Jones promised, “this will be balls-to-the-wall mathematics. This stuff will be so out there it will make the Taniyama-Shimura-Weil conjecture look like 2+2=4.” Administration sources expect the innovative program to keep the university out on the freaky tip of theoretical mathematics for years to come.